Opening Day Running Blog
So I’m a fan of Bill Simmons over at ESPN.com. Even though he’s an annoying and unapologetic Boston/American League homer, his writing is great. One of the better gimmicks he uses is the Running Diary, where he watches a sporting event and keeps an ongoing tab of the event and some of the things going on around him while he watches. When my friends talked me into taking a vacation day to join them in watching the Cardinals’ first game of the year, I thought an homage was in order. I ended up throwing in some highlights from the Cubs’ game too, for good measure. Away we go…
12:01…..Getting ready for the beginning of the game at my buddy Ken’s house. Scott the Cubs fan is here too, wearing a Cubs hat and jersey and socks. That’s right, Cubs socks. We’ll call that “Cubs Fan Questionable Manhood Move”#1. I smoked some ribs this morning and we’re getting ready to throw brats on the grill. First pitch is only a few minutes away. Merry Christmas, baseball fans.
12:08…..First pitch of 2010 is swinging strike to Skip Schumaker. I’ll take this moment to list out today’s starting lineup for the Cards:
1. Schumaker – 2B
2. Ryan – SS
3. Pujols – 1B
4. Holliday – LF
5. Rasmus – CF
6. Ludwick – RF
7. Molina – C
8. Freese – 3B
9. Carpenter – P
12:13…..After Aaron Harang strikes out Schumaker and Ryan, Pujols jacks one over the wall in left center. Cards color analyst Al Hrabosky mentions how many home runs Pujols hit on the road last year, then asks how many he has today. That would be one, Al.
12:24…..Carpenter has little trouble with the Reds in the first, even though he had to learn what home plate umpire Mike Reilly’s strike zone was. We’ll see how consistent it is. Carpenter looked ticked after Joey Votto’s single but settled down to get Brandon Phillips. Cards lead 1-0 after one.
12:44…..Hrabosky just commented that Carpenter has a great body…for a pitcher. Read into that what you will. Carp also had a conversation with the ump over the baseballs, reminiscent of the issue John Smoltz had last year in Cincy when the balls were not properly rubbed up. Stay tuned for more on that situation. So far we have two innings in the books and I have two tequila & OJs in the belly. Cards still lead 1-0 after two; more updates on my buzz a little later.
12:48…..More wisdom from Hrabosky, talking about how often Ryan will bat second: “Tony LaRussa likes power in that second hole.” Dirty.
12:55…..Mention was made about the Reds’ history. The first game in their franchise was played in 1869. Think about that…when they first played baseball, the Civil War was still a fresh memory. Their closer that year, ironically, was Al Hrabosky. By the way, Hrabosky’s broadcast partner Dan McLaughlin just mentioned that the most important thing for a pitcher is getting a first-pitch strike. That was in response to Hrabosky saying that keeping the ball in the park and limiting walks are keys to effective pitching. These guys have done this before.
12:59…..Carpenter is dealing. He’s struck out only two, but some of the Reds’ hitters have looked completely lost when swinging at Carp’s breaking pitches. Cards still up 1-0 after three.
1:14…..Rasmus just golfed a homer about 10 rows deep into right field, and a few hits later the Cards added another run. The highlight of the inning? Yadier Molina going first to third on a single. I may call CNN to get that on their Breaking News feed.
1:24……The Reds decided to start hitting and tacked on a couple solo home runs of their own (Votto & Rolen). But Carp gets out of the inning after giving up a couple more hits. Cards still lead, 3-2.
1:30…..Dan & Al talk about Pujols facing David Weathers of the Reds a couple years back and hitting his NL record-tying 5th grand slam of the season. Scott the Cub Fan faults Reds manager Dusty Baker for the fateful move of inserting Weathers into the game. That’s not a Cubs Fan Questionable Manhood Move, but Baker did manage the Cubs and likely destroyed both Mark Prior and Kerry Wood. No one else here cares. Oh, and another friend of ours, Jim, just showed up. I’m on my 5th tequila & OJ (don’t worry, they’re tall and heavy on the juice). Life is good with friends, liquor, and baseball.
1:42…..Ryan, Schumaker and Pujols turn a nifty double play to end the fifth. It looks like Carpenter has settled back in. And Scott the Cub Fan continues to berate Dusty Baker every time he’s shown on TV. Now it’s officially Cubs Fan Questionable Manhood Move #2. Baker’s not the only reason the Cubs suck, man.
1:46…..Baker pulled Harang after 5 innings. Scott’s hatred-filled bashing of Baker continues. CFQMM #3 for not being over something that happend seven years ago. We seriously may have to punch this guy in the stomach soon, and the Cubs game hasn’t even started yet.
1:54…..Scott the Cub Fan finally comes up with something useful after a particularly mindless exchange by the Cardinal broadcasters: “I don’t know which is worse…Dan & Al arguing or Dan & Al getting along.” I couldn’t agree more. I’m about ready to find a radio and just deal with the 5 second delay.
1:56…..Rasmus robs Rolen of his second homer of the day. Colby went way up above the centerfield fence to bring the ball back. Play of the game and maybe of the day. Cards still up 4-2 after six.
2:02…..Pujols just hit his 2nd home run of the day, a two run shot. Dusty Baker comes out to make a pitching change, and Scott the Cub Fan spits on the TV. CFQMM #4. I make another drink and plot his demise.
2:26…..After Dennys “Moons Over My Hammy” Reyes comes in and does his job, Jason Motte comes in and gives up hit after hit. Last year he earned the closer’s job in Spring Training and blew the save on opening day, clearing the way for Ryan Franklin to become the closer and be an All Star doing it. Not real sure how Motte’s status will be affected by today’s performance. He eventually gets out of the inning after allowing only one run. Cards lead 6-3 after seven innings.
2:40…..Just broke the seal.
2:53…..That was one long 8th inning. McClellan came in and did his best Jason Motte impression, giving up several hits and a run but getting out of the inning. These Reds are good, and the Cardinal bullpen is far from impressive so far. My tequila, on the other hand, has been quite impressive. I brought half a bottle over and it’s gone. Time for bottle number two, which I will be sharing with my pals. Scott the Cub Fan has backed off his Dusty Baker soapbox but is now complaining because the Cardinal game is taking a long time and the Cubs game is starting soon. What a jackass.
3:02…..Rasmus is up, and FSN just showed highlights from his big day. Right before the leaping catch where he robbed Rolen, the graphic said “Glovely.” Wow. Scott the Cub Fan is mortified, and I cannot disagree. Our friend Dan has joined us, and two other buddies made a cameo about 20 minutes ago. Jim brought over his roommate’s new puppy and it just threw up all over the garage floor. Quite a day in Belleville, IL.
3:05….Yadier Molina just hit the first Grand Slam of his career. Gotta love Opening Day. I think I need more tequila. This game is in the bag, and next I have to sit through a Cubs game.
3:18…..We’re in the 9th, and Ryan Franklin has given up two runs. Of course, Scott the Cubs Fan has him on his fantasy team, so now he’s bitching about that too. I love this guy; he’s one of my oldest friends. That’s the only reason he’s still alive.
3:20…..Franklin gets to a chopper and tosses to Pujols for the third out. Cards win, 11-6. Now we’re flipping to the Cubs game, and I’m not sure if I’ll continue this blog. I guess it will depend on our conversation and the way the game goes. But it’s great to see the Cards get the win; it’s their first Opening Day win since 2006…and we all remember how that year turned out.
4:17…..Well, the Cubs are getting shanked by the Braves but it’s still relatively early. Rookie of the Year favorite Jason Heyward hit a home run–the first of many, I’m sure–in his first major league at bat. Carlos Zambrano was pulled after 1.1 innings and eight earned runs. But the story of the day here is that Scott the Cub Fan has changed Cubs hats like twenty times. We haven’t killed him yet, but the plans have been drawn out. I’m halfway into my next fifth of tequila and feeling saucy. For a little more salt in the wound, the White Sox won their game today too (and pitcher Mark Buehrle took the “Play of the Day” honors from Rasmus with this gem). It’s a bad day to be a Cubs fan…and it can only get worse from here. Cheers.
5:01…..The Cubs are still losing, and Scott the Cubs Fan is on his fifth hat (not exaggerating this time). You ever notice that people who root for terrible teams always find the most obscure things to blame their team’s failures on? “Hey, guys…I wore the socks. But I cannot believe they’re still losing! Maybe I should change my hat…again!” In other news, I’m feeling no pain. I think it would be wise to call a cab. Otherwise it will be a long, confusing walk home.
5:06…..Samardzija. There we go.
5:16…..Seven hats. SEVEN HATS!!! Cubs fans have issues.
*5:47 Scott the Cubs Fan Here (please hold your applause). This is ugly. All’s I have to say is 162 games. We can do this. This is the year. *stifiling laughter*. It’s a long season and the best scenario I can think of is Cards vs. Cubs in October. All I hope for is a healthy, competitive season for both teams.
*5:50 I changed my mind. F the Cardinals. I hope Pujols gets hit in the nuts with a pickoff throw from Yadier Walton and is out for the season. I hate you all.
5:52……With that, I think it’s safe to say Scott the Cubs Fan is wasted. In case you’re wondering, the “Yadier Walton” thing references the TV show “The Waltons,” who had a bunch of kids, and compares it to the trio of Molinas in MLB. Good one, dude. We’ve subdued him with a wiffle ball bat and he’s in the corner chanting “Kerry Wood is the Savior…Kerry Wood is the Savior.” I’m half in the bag, but I’m still coherent enough to realize that bad baseball is bad baseball. The Cubs lost this game and the Cards won theirs. Opening Day was a success. I’m going to do another shot of tequila and look up the phone number to the closest cab company.
And there you have it. Definitely a fun afternoon. I have to add a disclaimer, just in case any kids or people with no sense of humor are reading: we did not bludgeon Scott the Cub Fan with a bat, and no one drove drunk. We like to have a good time, but we’re not stupid. You shouldn’t be either. Go Cards!